i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize