im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
