Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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