My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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