Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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