dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
