walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
