She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
