I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
