dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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