Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
