How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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