My Higher Power is John Stamos
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
