i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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