so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
