im about as happy as oj after his trial
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
