Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
