I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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