Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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