There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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