Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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