Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
