just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
