Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
