he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
