Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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