not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
