Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
