it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
i now understand why vodka
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
