Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize