is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
