Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
