She's JV to your varsity
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Randomize
