My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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