you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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