hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
