And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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