no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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