I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
