I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
