How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My orgasm happened in two different decades
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
