capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
