You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
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you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
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Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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