Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
