I think my vagina is haunted
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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