tell your sister to shave her snatch
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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