This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
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My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
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The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
The adults are the big ones right?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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