i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
