No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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