it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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