Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
