I feel like I'm in dance class right now
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
