What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize