last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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