I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
