I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
