i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
