she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
