No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
