Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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