mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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