I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
