i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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