Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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