Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
