I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I want her autograph on my taint
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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