I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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