ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
