**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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